


Grey

by Trans_N_Pans



Series: Heartstrings [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Bleak outlooks on life, Bruises, Bullying, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Fighting, Gen, Happy Ending, Lots of Angst, Lots of Crying, Misgendering, More tags to be added, Past Abuse, Scars, Touch Aversion, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trust Issues, emotional breakdown, king is an asshole, mentions of abuse, unknowingly though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-22 04:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12473124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trans_N_Pans/pseuds/Trans_N_Pans
Summary: “Alright dear..I’ll be down here  or in the living room if you need anything” she said and Alex went upstairs without another word. He slipped under the covers and curled up, pulling his sleeves up. The scars from knives and cigarettes and fading bruises from past ‘homes’ were what kept him sane..reminded him that he had to keep his guard up. Nowhere was safe. Nothing mattered but survival. Life was grey and dull and bleak. Even the strings on his fingers seemed dull some days..This was a new place, but it would be the same.Nothing would change.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A look at Alex's life growing up and when he went to the Washington family, enjoy the angst.

Life was shit. It was now and it would be forever until the day this god awful planet was consumed by the sun. Alex believed this wholeheartedly and he had believed this his whole life. He didn’t remember much from his childhood. Mom and dad fought all the time, then he left. Even at 10 he knew that he wasn't coming back..then later that same year he was watching tv while his mom was sick in her bedroom. He had gotten over his own cold the other day. His mom had been in there for days and she still hadnt come out. He had been taking himself to school down the road since he was 8, so he wasn't just stuck sitting at home waiting for her to come out. Dinner was an issue though, but there was food in the fridge he ate on until someone called in complaining about the smell. She had died and had been rotting away meer feet from Alex. He had to be carried away by the police when they took her out. He remembered still how he cried and screamed for his mom who was being taken away in a black body bag.

 

Things were a blur after that. He lived with a cousin for not even a month before he had been moved again. He moved from foster home to foster home after that. Some were okay, others were horrible. The one thing they had in common was that he never stayed. He always was moved to another foster home eventually. He learned to never unpack. Never get comfortable. Never let your guard down.

 

By age 15, this was beat into his mind over and over and over again to the point that he would wear outfits two or three days in a row to avoid having to waste clothes that would have to be packed away again soon. In the five years in foster care, Alex had acquired a bad aversion to touch. There was easily over a hundred stories that could contribute to as of why, but those didn’t matter. What did matter was the firm hand on Alex’s shoulder as he was walked to the door. The boy had try and run away so many times on his way to his ‘new home’s that he now had to be escorted and watched carefully to make sure he didn’t try and bolt. It was the fact that Alexander had to be watched so carefully that made most foster parents not keep him as long as they would have previously. Another reason to never get comfortable.

 

“It’s not going to be like the other home, Alex. The Washington’s are a well known foster family who have a good record of taking very good care of their foster children. You could be here for a very long time” the case worker said as they stopped in front of the door, her knocking on it sharply. The loud knock made Alex flinch, but she didn’t seem to notice it.

 

“Yeah..sure..” Alex replied, just wanting her to let go of him already. They waited in silence after that and Alex kept his eyes on the ground. He was clutching the handle of his duffle bag so tightly to the point his knuckles were white. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the door opened and a, in Alex’s opinion, handsome boy about his own age stood before them. Alex had glanced up long enough to see him, then he looked back down at his feet. The sneakers he had on were worn out. Skuffed up, the soles of them having already come out long ago, they were in need of replacing. 

 

“Um..” the boy in the doorway began to speak, but then a woman came to the door.

 

“Ah! Ms Joyce, Alexandria, its good to see you both again.” She said. What was her name? Alex couldn’t remember. He almost cringed at that name she used, though. He hated that name.

 

“Its good to see you as well Mrs Washington” the caseworker said and they were invited in. Finally that damn hand was off his shoulder.

 

“How are you feeling, young man. Your mother said you had been sick during the first meeting” the caseworker asked happily and the boy smiled some.

 

“I’m feeling much better now, thank you for asking ma’am” he said in reply and Alex almost rolled his eyes.

 

“Laf, sweetie, could you show Alex to her room?” Mrs Washington said in a soft tone. It sounded so grossly motherly. It was so overly laid on Alex could almost get sick off of how sweet it sounded.

 

“Mm. Of course mom” Laf replied and Alex moved away from the caseworker to follow him. They walked in silence for a moment, Alex only having the soul ties to keep him occupied. It was the only real life in his dull grey world. He was sure even those would be gone soon too. 

 

“Here you go. We’ve been trying to make it look less..unused. Mom said we can go shopping today or tomorrow sometime and get things to put up in it. Do you need help unpacking?” Laf asked and Alex shook his head.

 

“No. Thanks though” Alex muttered and sat on the bed. The room was plain, but Alex didn’t care. He wouldnt be here long anyways.

 

“So, how old are you? I’m 15” the boy, Laf asked, sitting on the floor a decent distance from Alex. At least he understood personal space.

 

“15” Alex replied simply, fiddling with the strings on his fingers. He gave the one on his middle finger a tug, knowing he’d get a tug in response from his soulmate. They were always good on replying to pulls.

 

“Thats cool. I think you’ll really like it here. Mom and dad are really nice people. I liked it a lot when I was first placed here” Laf said and this peaked Alex’s interest, looking up.

 

“Youre in the system too?” He asked curiously, unconsciously pulling on the sleeve of his long sleeved shirt. Laf nodded.

 

“Since I was 10” he replied and Alex pursed his lips.

 

“How long have you been here?” he asked and Laf hummed.

 

“Four years almost. They adopted me three years and some months ago. I came here when I was 12” Laf replied and Alex gulped. Lucky..Alex didn’t like the idea of having new parents when he used to have parents before..but..at least if he had been adopted he wouldnt be moving around anymore. Alex knew the statistics, though. He wasn’t going to be adopted now. He was too old.

 

“...What does Laf stand for?” Alex asked then and Laf laughed softly. 

 

“Lafayette. I like Laf better, though.”

 

“..Alexander. Alex is fine too” Laf gave him a curious look, but then smiled almost knowingly. 

 

“Alex. Alright. We’re both 15, but when’s your birthday? I’m turning 16 in September” Laf asked and Alex raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“You ask a lot of questions, dont you?” It came out harsher than intended, but Laf still smiled at him, shrugging.

 

“I dunno. You’re living here now so I figured we should get to know eachother” He said and  Alex paused.

 

“Alright”

 

Honestly, Alex had never talked to someone that long before. They talked for easily an hour before there was a knock on his door.

 

“Are you kids getting along alright?” the woman, mrs Washington, said as she peeked her head into the room. Laf and Alex looked over at her and Laf nodded.

 

“Yeah, we’ve just been talking for awhile” Laf replied and she smiled and nodded.

 

“That good. Are you two hungry? I’m making lunch. Alex if you feel like it today, we can go out and get you some things for your room” she said and Alex curled in on himself some, shrugging.

 

“I don’t really see a point in doing anything special for the room, Mrs Washington..” Alex said quietly and she laughed softly.

 

“Don’t be silly, dear! This is your room and I want to make sure its exactly how you want it. We can even get you some clothes if you want. And please, call me Martha. Mrs Washington is so formal. Makes me feel old” she said with a breathy laugh. Laf snickered as well.

 

“But..why..?” The break in Alex’s voice must have been what made them go quiet.

 

“I’m not staying. No one ever keeps me. Why bother getting me anything when youre just going to take it away..?” Alex asked, looking up from his lap at Martha. She frowned deeply and walked over slowly. Of all the scenario’s Alex had running through his mind, her moving to kneel by the bed, was not one of them. Alex, unable to stop himself, flinched away from the hand that moved to rest on his knee. She paused and moved her hand away moving back a small bit as well.

 

“Alexandria..You don’t know me very well, but let me assure you now. If for any reason you leave us, anything and everything we buy for you is yours to take. Or leave. Or throw away. Because they’re yours. Alright?” She said slowly and calmly and Alex didn’t know how to respond, he just nodded slowly. Martha smiled and nodded.

 

“Alright. If you two start getting hungry, I’ll have lunch downstairs for you two. Also Laf your dad’ll be home soon so if you still plan on moving everything over in his office an inch, you better do it soon” She said as she left the room, giggling softly. Laf’s eyes lit up and he hopped up.

 

“Wanna come help me mess with my dad?” he asked and Alex frowned some.

 

“Wont you..we..get in trouble?” he asked and Laf snickered.

 

“Pfft- No way. Dad’ll grumble about it, but he’ll think it’s funny.” Laf said, going to the door.

 

“Cmon. It’ll be fun” He urged and Alex hesitated a moment before sliding off the bed.

 

“Alright..” he said and followed him out the door and down the hall. They got to talking again as they went into what he assumed was Mr Washington’s office.

 

“Are you sure he won’t get mad..what if he catches us moving things..” Alex asked hesitantly as he moved to help Laf move the desk over very slightly and then other things around it about the same amount.

 

“Mom will give us a signal so we can get out. Even if he did find us, he’d just help us move everything back. Don’t worry. It’s my idea anyways, I just made you follow my lead” Laf winked at him and Alex frowned, but nodded.

 

“Alright..” He said and Laf decided to change the topic.

 

“So you have two soulmates? Thats cool.” Laf commented as he moved a lamp over, then the chair behind the desk.

 

“You think so..? Most people say its weird..” Alex murmured and Laf shook his head.

“The soul wants what the soul wants. Yours wants two people and thats great. Dad had two soulmates but...well..I don’t know what happened to them, dad doesn’t talk about it. But mom is his other soulmate. She didn’t see anything wrong with it. Said it’s stupid to blame someone for a soulbond. So, no I don’t think its weird at all” He said with a smile, then paused when he heard a knock on the floor.

 

“Thats our cue. Wanna go get food?” He asked as he left the room with Alex, shutting the door behind them quietly. Alex was about to say he was fine, but his grumbling stomach betrayed him.

 

“Sure..” he said quietly as they walked down stairs. A tall man was hanging his coat on a rack, Martha speaking happily with him. She gave them a knowing smile and wink as he looked at them coming down the stairs.

 

“Ah. Alex. Sorry I couldn’t be here when you arrived. I hope you’re settling in alright. I’m going to put some documents away. I’ll be down in a bit” He said to Martha, kissing her cheek before going up the stairs past them. Alex, staying silent the entire time, just followed Laf to the kitchen. He could smell the food before he got there.

 

“If you don’t like grilled cheese sandwiches, I can make something else for you” Martha said as she followed them in. Alex shook his head and sat down.

 

“Its fine..thank you..” he didn’t feel like eating, but he still sat by Laf to eat. They ate in mostly silence besides a few words between Alex and Laf. Alex felt drained from today alone and honestly he just wanted to lay down by now, despite it only being 5pm by now.

 

“I think Im going to lay down..I’m tired…” Alex said after eating half of his sandwich. He moved from his seat and Martha looked at him, worried. He hated that. It was fake. It had to be..no one cared about orphans. No one cared about kids like him.

 

“Alright dear..I’ll be down here  or in the living room if you need anything” she said and Alex went upstairs without another word. He slipped under the covers and curled up, pulling his sleeves up. The scars from knives and cigarettes and fading bruises from past ‘homes’ were what kept him sane..reminded him that he had to keep his guard up. Nowhere was safe. Nothing mattered but survival. Life was grey and dull and bleak. Even the strings on his fingers seemed dull some days..This was a new place, but it would be the same.

 

Nothing would change.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go and then I /might/ relax on the angst train (I'm lying I probably won't)

The next few days after that had been a blur of motion and greys. He was in another school, another county in New York than the last home he had been in. Things were different, but somehow the same.

 

Martha had taken Alex shopping with Laf to get him new clothes for school and she didn’t make him pick from the girls section, letting him wander to the mens to pick out some clothes. He still didn't see why he needed new clothes. He only had room in his duffle for his regular clothes, meaning he had to put away the new ones in the closet of his room. 

 

“What do you think of this, Alex?” Laf asked when  they had been out getting clothes for him.

 

“Its a hoodie..?” Alex replied, a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt laid over his arm to try on.

 

“I know that. I mean what do you think of it? Its the biggest one I could find. You said you think baggy sweaters are cute right? Well baggy hoodies are always cool” Laf said with a wink. Alex couldn't help the tiny smile at the corner of his mouth.

 

“Alright alright. Give it to me I’ll add it to the pile. Your mom really doesnt play around with clothes..” Alex all but grumbled, taking it to Martha to add to the clothes they were going to get.

 

“Are you sure this isn’t too much..?” Alex said quietly and Martha waved him off.

 

“Im sure, sweetie. Why? Is it too much? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable…” she said and Alex almost felt bad for the worry in her voice. It was lie and he had to remind himself that.

 

“Its fine..Its just..different..can we just get these three outfits..?” He asked and Martha gave a soft smile.

 

“Of course. Do you not want any short sleeved shirts..? You’ll get hot, wont you?” she asked, sounding concerned. Alex froze and the past wounds on his arms seemed to sting.

 

“I’ll be fine, dont worry. I get cold easily, so I like long sleeves” he lied smoothly, ignoring the burning and itching feeling under his skin

 

“Ah..I see. Well, as long as youre happy” She said and he felt that pang in his chest again.

* * *

That had been a week or so ago and Alex was slowly, oh so slowly, adjusting to the new clothes. He didn’t wear them at first, but today he didn't have a long sleeved shirt to wear, so he threw on the hoodie Laf had picked out for him before it was time for school. It was easily three times his size and hid his body underneath it. His mess of a hair was annoying, though. He looked at the time on his watched that Laf had given him. He still had ten minutes before he had to leave. Slowly stepping from his room, Alex walked down the hall to Lafayette’s room. Knocking, he peeked in the door.

 

“Hey..um..Laf..? Can I borrow a hairbow..and a brush?” he asked nervously. Laf was looking in a mirror, pulling up his own hair, an eyeliner pencil between his lips.

 

“Yea sur’ jus’ gra’ i’ off my desk” he said, fixing his hair and then taking the eyeliner to apply some on his eyelids. Alex had long since decided not to question it. Laf liked makeup, Alex had no reason to say otherwise about it. It looked good on him anyways, in his opinion

 

“Thanks..” he said quietly and went to retrieve the brush. His hair was long and tangled really easily, so he winced and made small noises as he tried to force the tangles out.

 

“Oh. Oh no Alex don't do that.” Something else was said in French, but Alex didn't know what he said.

 

“Here. Let me help you'll be balder than dad if you keep that up” Laf huffed, but he was smiling as he held his hand out for the brush. Laf then seemed to have a thought.

 

“Wait. No touching. Sorry, I forgot..I um-” he was stopped as Alex placed the brush in his hand.

 

“It's..okay..you'll get it fixed quicker than I can anyways..” Alex said, turning back around so his back was to him.

 

“Ah.. alright. Here come sit. This is going to take a minute..” Laf said with a gentle tone and chuckle. Alex hesitated a moment, but walked to the bed slowly and sat down. On instinct he looked to see how far the door was from him if he needed to run...but then he felt that pang of guilt in his chest after that thought. Laf wouldn't..he..Alex shook his head. He was working his way towards a panic attack at this rate. He just needed to breath.

 

“Just relax. I'm a pro at work out tangles” Laf hummed and used his fingers first to gently start parting his hair and working out the bigger tangles. Honestly it..wasn't that bad. It was kind of relaxing. With how Laf was humming too..it was really nice.

 

“You doing alright?” Laf asked and Alex just hummed, nodding slightly. 

 

“That's good..I'm almost done working the tangles out then I can brush it” he murmured, running his fingers through one section of hair gently then starting on the next. Within a matter of minutes he seemed to deem Alex's hair ready for brushing and Alex almost melted. He knew his head was sensitive and all, but he didn't think brushing it was going to be this nice. He felt like he could just go to sleep like this..

 

“Hairbow?” Laf asked and Alex blinked before remembering he still had it.

 

“Oh..here” he replied, handing it to the taller boy.

 

“Merci” he hummed and Alex smiled some. Slowly and carefully Alex felt his hair being pulled back. A moment later the hands were away from his scalp and he reached up to feel the messy bun

 

“My specialty bun. That baby isn't coming down today,I promise you that””  he looked back in time to see the wink and his cheeks heated up. The last bun he put his hair into had come down barely an hour after he had put it up.

 

“It wasn't that bad.. thanks..” Alex said after a moment. He took a moment then to look around the room. He had only been in here once or twice. It was decently sized with a mirror on the wall by the window, a dresset by the bed, a tv  on an entertainment center in front of the bed. The walls were covered in posters and a French flag. Alex almost giggled at it. Laf was very proud of his French heritage and Alex understood. His mother was Puerto Rican so he had his own dosage of pride in the fluent Spanish he spoke thanks to his mother teaching him as a child and the foster children and parents over the years he ended up with that spoke Spanish as well. It kept him pretty well versed in speaking it, though honestly he wasn't the best at reading and writing it. He was taking it in the school now he was in currently, though.

 

“Why do you always wear long sleeves? I mean..if it's scars or something I understand completely..I'm just curious is all”  Alex looked over, seeing Laf sitting a good distance from him on the bed. He didn't question what he meant and just shrugged.

 

“I get cold” Alex said simply.

 

“I've seen you sweat in an air conditioned room, so I don't believe that. You don't have to tell me,but you don't have to lie to me..we may be foster siblings, but sibling is still apart of the word...so..don't think you have to hide things. If I can help anything I will..” he said and Alex froze. His instincts said one thing, but his mind said another, only to then have his heart tell him a third way to go. His mind was jumbled and his mouth moved on it's own as he ignored everything he had beat into his own head.

 

“Don't tell Martha and George” he blurted and Laf frowned, but nodded.

 

“I won't. I'm going to close the door. Is that alright..?” He asked. Laf always made sure to ask about anything he thought might scare Alex.

 

“Okay..” Alex said quietly now and Laf moved, shutting the door and sitting back on the bed once he walked back over. Alex hesitated now,not sure if himself anymore, but he slowly breathed in..and then he pulled up his sleeve. He was used to the sight of his marred skin. A lot of the scars were faded, but others were still healing.

 

“No, I didn't do this to myself..” Alex said as he saw Laf open his mouth. Later shook his head.

 

“I didn't think you did..foster parents..?” He asked and Alex nodded.

 

“The bad ones. Some of the others just thought I did it..these are cigarette burns..some of these are from  a knife..and I think this one was from a plate I broke on accident and the woman I was with..well.. found out..” he pulled the sleeve back down.

 

“I dont like people staring so I dont let them see..just gonna get tattoos or something one day to hide them..I dunno” Alex shrugged and Laf was quiet a moment before turning so his back was to Alex, pulling up the bottom of his shirt.

 

“Wh..what are you-” Laf cut him off as he smiled at Alex from over his shoulder.

 

“You showed me your scars, I'll show you mine so it's fair. These were from when I was in a bad home bouncing back and forth from my parents house and foster care..” Laf said somberly, lifting his shirt to show Alex. He felt his breath hitch as he saw the long scars on his back it looked like they were from..

 

“A whip..” he heard his voice and realized he spoke out loud.

 

“Mm. A belt buckle too. I was taken permanently from my home not long after it and was placed back there for almost a year before CPS found out and took me out. A few rounds of counselling and I was in another home for maybe half a year. I was so scared of them I refused to let anyone near me and lashed out if they did did anything that scared me..so they requested I was taken out 'for theirs and their childrens safety’ they were nice..they were just scared of me..then I was placed here and well..I slowly got better and before long it was my new permanent home” Laf hummed as he pulled his shirt back down in place.

 

“So..moral of that story, life was fucked, but it got better. Scars aren't shameful, I see them as a sign you survived. You don't have to flaunt them around, but understand that you don't have to be ashamed of them” Laf said and almost patted Alex's shoulder, but stopped himself with a sheepish smile.

 

“Sorry” he said and Alex shook his head some.

 

“It's okay..we should get downstairs so we don't miss the bus..and um..thanks again” Alex said and Laf smiled softly, getting up.

  
“No problem” he said as they left the room to go downstairs, not seeing Martha in the next doorway over, tears streaming down her face and a hand over her mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

When the three month point had passed, Alex was nervous. He didn’t like it when it went on longer than three months after that things would start to feel permanent. It wasn’t. It wasn’t permanent. As the days went on, Alex was getting more irritable and it was starting to show. He was more snappy than usual both at home and at school. His temper was shorter than usual and the thin string he was held up on was about to break. **  
**

Walking from his English class, he wanted to hurry to his locker so he could meet up with Laf for lunch. He huffed as he came up to his locker and was about to stop to open it when someone slammed into his shoulder and knocked him off balance.

“Watch where youre going” he knew this voice and groaned. Fucking King..

“Fuck off King, Im not dealing with your bullshit today” He said and turned back around.

“Do you understand who youre talking to?” Alex rolled his eyes and turned toward him

“Yeah. A pompous asshole” he said, ignoring the people who were not watching them.

“Ha! Thats funny, thinking the words of a pathetic _orphan_ affect me any. Honestly I should fell bad for y-” the brit was silenced as a fist slammed into face, throwing him back onto the floor.

“Wha-”

“You wanna talk shit, I’m not going to just take it. Come on now fucker you wanna use fighting words, I’m gonna fight” He said and King got up, glaring.

“I’m not going to hit a girl” he said and Alex laughed.

“Well isn’t it great I’m not a girl. But, I see you’re going to be a little bitch yourself, so I’m going to-” Alex was cut of as his head turned to the side after Kings fist connected with it. Things were a blur after as they fought, someone finally dragging them away from eachother. All in all, King looked worse off than Alex. That wasn’t a shocker, really. Alex had learned to fight a long time ago and he doubted King knew shit about it. Alex was pretty sure he had a black eye and a busted lip, but he’d have to look in a mirror to get the full scope of his injuries. They were still spitting insults at eachother as the teachers that broke up the fight pulled them away. The school had two nurses at it and they were each taken to the nurses office before parents were called. This wasn’t the first fight Alex had gotten into school, but this was the first that he started.

Word seemed to travel quick, because Laf was at the nurses office with a tray of food within ten minutes.

“How do you manage this” He sighed and Alex shrugged.

“Dunno..you missed the show, I kicked King’s ass” He said, not censoring himself since the nurse had stepped away for a moment.

“Mom texted me, she’s on her way” Laf hummed as Alex ate the school food Laf had brought him.

“Is she mad?” Alex asked, masking his worry with curiosity.

“More worried, if anything. Wanted to know if you were okay or if anything was broken..looking at you now, I think your nose might be, you arent bleeding though..so..” Laf trailed off and Alex shook his head.

“Its not broken. I’d know if it was” he said, taking the icepack from his face.

“Shit. He got you good” Laf said with a low whistle.

“Yeah. He’s worse off, though. Teach him to talk shit about me…” He huffed and Laf laughed.

Laf stayed there after he got a text from his mom to stay with Alex. Of course he did, not wanting to go to math yet. The nurse didn’t argue, thankfully, so Alex and Laf just sat and talked until Alex was sent to the office. Laf walked with him and used himself as a human barrier as they walked past King and his dad, the two leaving the office as Laf and Alex were entering it. Martha was there waiting and talking to the Principal.

“Oh Alex hunny. Are you alright? Oh we’ll have to put ice on that eye..” Martha said, worrying herself over him.

“I’m fine. King got the worst of it..” Alex murmured and she shushed him.

“That doesn’t mean you arent hurt..” She said and the Principal cleared his throat.

“Mrs Washington I’m sure you know that we do not tolerate violence in this school and we’ll have to suspend her for a week due to her behavior..” He said and Alex looked over.

“How long is King getting..?” he asked and the stern looking man glanced away and then back.

“Due to certain circumstances, we have decided that George has shown no reason to be suspended.” He said and Alex’s jaw almost dropped.

“Thats bullshit-”

“Young lady, language” He said and Alex glared.

“No! This is bullshit! King is a bully and rotten human being. He gets to call me a ‘pathetic orphan’ and push me around and he gets  _nothing_?” he all but growled out. He couldn’t belive this!

“He  _what?_ ” Alex could hear the shift in her tone.

“And I bet this  _couldn’t_  have anything to do with the fact that King is the soccer captain and theres a game on friday?” Laf butted in and Alex had never once seen Martha mad, but she looked mad.

“I want that boy suspended. He called  _my daughter_  names and while I don’t condone her behavior, I  _refuse_  to stand here and let you brush his actions under the carpet!” she raised her voice, but didn’t quite yell.

“It is pretty bad to hit a girl half your size, too..” Laf muttered and Alex huffed.

“I’m not a fucking girl damn it..” He said quietly and he didn’t even realize what he said until he glanced up to see Martha and Laf looking at him. Shit. Fuck fuck fuck…

“I..will reconsider my decision. Perhaps a weeks suspension for him as well will teach them both a lesson..” The principal sighed and Martha looked back to him, nodding.

“I’m taking both of my children home and I do expect an apology letter from that boy to Alex. Alex will be writing one as well…” she said and Alex grumbled his agreement.

On the way home it was mostly silent. Alex sat up front and Laf sat in the back seat, Alex just pulling his hood up to avoid conversation. Finally, they pulled into the driveway and

“Laf sweetie, go inside, I want to talk to Alex privately.” Martha said and Laf didn’t protest, leaving them in the car.

“Alex.. would you like to talk about today..?” She asked and he glanced over from under his hood.

“Which be part? The fight or me outing myself accidentally?” He muttered.

“Whichever you feel most comfortable talking about, sweetheart..” she sighed, but smiled at him. Alex paused, then took a deep breath.

“I’m transgender..” he said a smoothly as he could, not wanting his voice to break.

“I..I don’t like that I’m a girl and I don’t want to be one..” he explained and she nodded slowly.

“I see. So would you rather me call you my son than my daughter? Is there anything important that I need to know? Anything that I need to do? I want to make sure first and foremost that you are comfortable and happy” she said and Alex couldn’t process it.

“You.. aren’t making me leave..?” He asked and saw her face go through a mix of emotions. Hurt, worry, and confusion were the biggest ones he saw.

“Alex..no. No no no I’m not going to make you leave. What kind of mother would I be if I did that? A bad one. No..your f- George and I want to talk to you about something when he gets home, but I assure you, we aren’t wanting you to leave. We love you very dearly and we would never..ever make you do anything or go anywhere unless you wanted to..” she said softly, smiling almost sadly at him. He hated it. He hated that he upset her. He hated that he cared. Alex’s body seemed to move on its own accord and before he knew it, he was leaned across the seat, hugging her, his head rested against her chest with his eyes closed tightly. He was still prepared to be pushed away, but gentle arms wrapped around him and just held him close.

“Shh..Shh..its okay..” she said, petting his hair slowly where his hood had fallen off. He didn’t even realize he was crying until a sob ripped through him. Everything had hurt so much for so long, it was all just finally pouring out. They only went inside after ten minutes of Alex sobbing on her and Martha just gently comforting him.

Once inside, Alex went to his room where Laf was waiting, cross legged on the bed.

“You okay?” He asked and Alex nodded.

“Yeah” he replied, voice hoarse from crying.

“Hey..Laf?” he asked as he tossed his school bag to the side. Laf looked at him, curious.

“Yes?” he asked and Alex smiled a little at him.

“Can you brush my hair again..? It..got messed up in the fight..” he said, his face flushing red some. Laf paused, surprised, then he smiled.

“Of course. I’ll go get my brush” he said, slipping off the bed as Alex sat down. The shorter boy waited patiently until he got back, having already taken down what was left of the bun. Finally Laf returned and Alex turned his back to him.

“So…What would you prefer? He/him or she/her?” He asked as he gently combed his fingers through  Alex’s hair, Alex relaxing almost immediately. It wasn’t easy for him to relax, so he hesitated at first, but he was getting better at it.

“He/him” Alex replied softly, letting his eyes close.

“Alright.You know..if King looks worse off than you, I fear you might have put him in the hospital” Laf teased and Alex laughed.

“One can only hope, right?” he snickered, humming in contentment as Laf finally pulled the brush through his hair. The slow and gentle motions were just as relaxing as they had been that first time Laf had brushed his hair. This moment, right now, was probably the fifteenth time he had asked Laf to do his hair(with an excuse as to why he couldn’t do it himself, of course).

“Mm. Oui, indeed” Laf said with a breathy laugh.

“You know, if you keep speaking French around me, I’m gonna have to start using Spanish to even the knowledge playing field” Alex mused, yawning softly. Laf finished brushing his hair and Alex was so tired afterwards. Emotionally and physically.

“I think I’m gonna lay down for a bit” Alex murmured and Laf hummed his okay, moving off the bed.

“Sleep well” Laf said and left him alone in the room. Alex sighed and laid himself down, falling asleep easily for the first time in a very long time.

* * *

He finally awoke after what felt like a long time, but it was only 2 hours later according to his watch. Stumbling from his room, drowsy and hungry, he made his way downstairs where he saw Martha and George talking on the couch. Ah..he must have come home early. Martha looked up when he walked in, on his way to the kitchen

“Ah, there you are. I was just about to go check on you. Do you feel like talking about what I mentioned in the car?” She asked and Alex nodded, rubbing sleep from his eyes..or well..eye. He didn’t want to touch the bruised one.

“Can I eat first. I ate a little at school, but it wasn’t much. I don’t really like school food..” He murmured, yawning. She blinked, but gave him an amused look.

“Alright. We’ll be right here, dear.” She said and he wandered off to the kitchen, finding what he needed in the fridge to make a sandwich. They werent limited to eating in the kitchen, Laf had been found many a time laying on the couch eating chips and some tv show Alex had never heard of before. Still, Alex felt weird doing it and tended to eat in the kitchen. Once he finished most of his sandwhich, he put tossed the leftovers in the trash and went to the living room.

“Better?” Martha asked bemusedly, smiling as he sheepish look.

“Yeah..what do you need to talk about..?” He asked,sitting on the floor. The carpet was soft and he could play with it while he sat there..so he prefered the floor more than the couch.

“Well..Yo- George and I have been talking lately and doing a lot of consideration. We love you very dearly, we hope you know that. You mean the world to us and-” Martha was cut off by George. It was a good thing too, the poor woman could have gone on for a long time if he hadn’t stopped her then.

“We want to adopt you, son” George said and Alex didn’t know what it was about that one sentence…whether it was the word ‘adopt’ or ‘son’, but Alex felt tears welling up. Martha must have told him.

“You…You’re being serious? Right? Th..This isnt a joke..?” he asked, hopeful and even Martha seemed to be tearing up.

“Of course it isnt a joke. You’re just as much of our child as Lafayette is. We want you to stay with us. It might not be a quick process, but we just want to know if this is something you want too..” She said and Alex didn’t think he could nod as quickly as he did.

“I do..I..I really like here and I don’t want to go again. This is..the first safe place Ive been in  a long time..” He said, glancing at his arms that were covered in his hoodie sleeves.

“I’m glad you feel safe here..” She murmured and he looked up at them.

“Does this mean I can call you mom and dad now..?” he asked, hesitating some. Martha and George shared a look before they both smiled softly.

“Alex you could have called us that a long time ago…but yes..you can call us mom and dad..and as your mother I do have to say I am very disappointed in your behavior today” she said and Alex frowned some.

“King started it…” He mumbled

“Thats no excuse, young man..And just because youre suspended from school doesnt mean you can do whatever you want. You’re grounded until your suspension is over and I expect to help your mother around the house while you’re out of school.” George said and Alex huffed, but nodded. He knew that being grounded wasn’t good..but he couldn’t help but feel happy. He had never been grounded by his parents before..he hadnt had parent to ground him for misbehaving.

“And don’t think you’re getting out of writing an apology letter to that boy. I don’t agree with what either of you did, but violence isn’t the answer for your problems” She said and Alex nodded again

“Alright…I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Good. I believe the only good thing that came of this is now you wont have to miss for your dentist appointment this friday” Martha chuckled and Alex almost whined. He really didn’t want to go to the dentist, but everyone agreed he needed braces and the first visit to the dentist the week before had confirmed this.

“Okay..” he all but groaned and got up.

“I’m gonna go work on my homework” He said and started to leave the room.

“Alright. We love you” Martha said and Alex looked back at them, a genuine smile coming to his lips.

“I love you too..” he said and then went upstairs. He went to Lafs room first and told him the news he just got. They hugged and Alex ended up crying again. Maybe life sucked, maybe the world was never going to get better. Maybe everything was going to end eventually…but even if all he could see was the grey colors and shapes around him..

At least they didn’t seem dull anymore


End file.
